The period following your separation will be one of the most difficult times of your life, as you come to terms with your new situation. It is a period of change, and the breakdown of a relationship is high on the stress level meter. You may find that you are forgetful, stressed, angry, tearful and anxious…all at the one time! The following tips should be helpful in navigating the rough seas you are going through –
- Understand you are not going mad, you are going through a period of grief. You have suffered the loss of a partner, a relationship and the future you planned together. There is no shortcut through the grief, you need to work your way through it, and in your own time.
- Understand you will come through the darkness, and back into the light. No doubt you are feeling that there is no end to the way you are feeling. Some people come through this period more quickly than others, there is no time frame, just keep going taking one day at a time.
- Be kind to yourself, and have as much time to yourself as you can manage. Some light exercise such as long walks either by yourself, or with a friend, are beneficial. Find a peaceful spot where you can sit and watch the water, or some peaceful scenery.
- Hangout with a friend or close family member, preferably someone who is a good listener, but at the same time is able to give you some sound advice, and who will keep an eye on you to make sure you are looking after yourself. You can get problems “off your chest” with these valuable friends, it is always helpful to “dump” your problems on someone who will understand and empathise with you, and at the same time support and advise you.
- Indulge yourself – do something you have always enjoyed doing, but put on hold perhaps because your partner was not interested. Go back to a sport that you enjoyed, attend a concert, play your favourite CDs, take an air balloon ride, luxuriate in a bubble bath, have lunch with a friend, have a drink with a mate.
- Pamper yourself – a massage can be so relaxing, a facial is a real pick-me-up, a new hair cut/colour will make you feel good, buying new clothes, shoes, sports gear or hobby equipment will give you a real lift.
- Spend time with your children reading to them, watching TV, cooking a meal with them, going on a picnic, just being there for them.
- Outsource as much as kind friends will offer – if a friend offers to mow the lawn, cook a meal, mind the kids, walk the dog…..they wouldn’t ask if they didn’t want to help, so let them.
- Take care of yourself, this is the most important tip! If you are feeling physically ill, or believe you are not coping – seek help. Your doctor can refer you to professionals for counselling, for you and if necessary, for your children. We can’t always travel this road by ourselves. Unless we adequately cope with each trauma in our life, there will be a snowball effect and we will find it twice as hard to deal with the next trauma…..so take care of yourself and seek professional help.
Lyn Lucas is the owner of Online Divorce Lawyer. With 25 years experience in family law Lyn empathises with couples going through a separation and a property settlement. Her focus with Online Divorce Lawyer is to reduce the pain and deliver excellent results in the process of a property settlement. With a negotiated fixed fee for this service, couples have certainty as to their legal costs. Visit Lyn’s site and opt in for a complimentary e-book “Guide to Saving Money with a Divorce Property Settlement”. http://www.online-divorce-lawyer.com.au