Many relationships can suffer during a prolonged destructive divorce property settlement, and it is often difficult for family and friends, on whom you depend, to support you through a traumatic time.
Most couples forget that at one time they loved one another, that’s why they married or decided to live with each other, and wanted to spend the rest of their lives together! Obviously their feelings have changed for a variety of reasons, but a destructive divorce can affect many other relationships.
Your relationship with your former partner will become a train wreck. Consider how this will affect your children, your family, your friends – but more importantly how it will affect you. If you have children, you will need to have a civil relationship with your ex for the rest of your life! There will be birthdays, weddings, funerals and christenings as the years pass, and it is important to your children that you will both be there for these special family occasions.
Your health will also suffer as you go through the emotions of anger, frustration, hate and stress because it will be difficult for you to ever move on. However, if you can continue with a civil relationship you will be able to sensibly discuss children’s issues such as their health, schooling, life’s problems etc and hopefully enjoy a relationship where you can feel comfortable in each other’s company at family functions.
And what about your extended families? In most cases, particularly after long marriages, strong bonds are formed with in-laws, and it is heartbreaking when children, siblings, and cousins separate, and awkwardness develops as to what support can be offered. If you have children there is often concern from grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins as to whether they will see your children as often. Children should be permitted to retain these relationship bonds so they can learn to work out their place in their own world.
And don’t forget your friends? How hard is it going to be for your friends if you are in dispute with your partner, and only have negative comments to make about him or her. Mutual friends may be placed in a position where they can’t “take sides”, and withdraw from the battle, not wanting to hurt either party. Long term friendships have ended forever in some circumstances, there is no win/win situation.
However if family and friends are aware that you are working amicably together to work out your property settlement, and if necessary the time spent with the children, they are much more comfortable in offering support and you are more likely to keep those precious relationships into the future.
Are you family and friend relationship important to you? This is yet another reason that it is of benefit to you, your family and friends to consider an amicable property settlement rather than a destructive divorce.
We can refer you to divorce coaches, counsellors, psychologists, mediators, accountants, financial advisers etc who can provide information and advice to assist you to discuss a settlement and come to an agreement – then you can visit your lawyer to draw up the relevant documents.
We all need our family and friends – the world is a lonely place without them!
Lyn Lucas is the owner of Online Divorce Lawyer. With over 25 years experience in family law Lyn empathises with couples going through a separation and a property settlement. Her focus with Online Divorce Lawyer is to reduce the pain and deliver excellent results in the process of a property settlement, and to keep clients out of the Family Court. With a negotiated fixed fee for this service, couples have certainty as to their legal costs. Visit Lyn’s site and opt in for a complimentary e-book “Guide to Saving Money with a Divorce Property Settlement”